Years ago when I first came to Hong Kong I connected with cameras. I could tell you all about the cameras, but that’s not important. Years later now, I reflect on that decision. I know I am not alone. Many NET choose to connect with things rather than people. For some it is movies, for others it is pets, for others it is motorcycles. The list goes on and on. Why? I think for many of us it is a sub-conscious thing that just happens. I remember I was sitting at the “end of the year buffet” with my school’s English Department. Everyone was talking, but it was all in Cantonese. Occasionally, someone said something to me. I happily responded, but it just wasn’t enough. For many of us the answer to, why not people, is that people just aren’t available. I was in a group, but I felt very isolated. It’s not easy but Choosing What to Care About can really make a difference. Taking pictures of them while they ate and talked was something that I could do, and I could do it pretty well. I received both personal satisfaction and some recognition for my pictures and videos.
Language Offers Freedom
Years later, I still connect with my camera, but it’s not as much now. In the past, my environment prevented me from connecting with people in English. Connections are best made in a persons heart language. Yes, Chinese people are able to interact with foreigners in both Mandarin and in Cantonese at a functional level. You can get things done here in English. However, the soul of Hong Kong is not communicated in English. I speak Cantonese well enough to connect with people in a variety of situations in Cantonese. A few weeks ago at my church, one of the ladies my wife and I were talking to said that my Cantonese was good enough for me to be considered a local. Personally, I know that it’s not that good. She just hadn’t talked with me long enough. I think what’s important here is not to think of ourself more highly than we should or more lowly that we should. Instead we should ask God for a measure of faith – Romans 12:3 I used to write myself off as less of a person and withdraw to other things because Hong Kong people left me out of a lot of conversations. Can you relate? How do you respond? Whether you are a HKer or a foreigner we would all do well to Accept the Things We Can Not Change. Gaining the ability and confidence to use Cantonese has been freeing for me. I am still primarily an English person at my school. That’s the way it is supposed to be for NETs. The difference is now it’s my choice to speak mostly English. I am not being forced to speak English because I can’t speak Cantonese.
Adjust Your Expectations
When I first came to Hong Kong, I went to an English church cell group. One of the things I liked about the cell group was the members were always welcoming. They seemed to really like listening to me talk. I wasn’t always competing with others for a space to share my thoughts. Now looking back, I realize that many of the members were HKers. Yes, they could speak English, but there English was probably at a similar level to where my Cantonese is now. They didn’t have the ability to flow on a wide variety of topics. They also needed time to collect their thoughts. They were hesitant to speak. They also occasionally made mistakes when they were trying to put their ideas together. I can really identify.
Listening More
Choosing to connect with HKers in Cantonese often means I end up doing more listening than talking. When I am in a group, I give others the opportunity to share more. It reminds me of that early English cell group experience where others gave me the opportunity to share more. It’s not ideal, but it is meaningful. It’s better than connecting with a camera, a movie, or some other thing. When we listen to others, we show them that we value them. They feel more a part of our lives and we feel more apart of their lives.
Finding Community
There is nothing wrong with things. They are there for us to enjoy, but they can’t replace human to human connection. I have always been on the introverted side of things, but before I came to Hong Kong, I was more extroverted. Hong Kong people are very measured in their time, energy, and emotion. It seems they take after the British in being reserved especially in public. You know the old saying, “When in Rome do as the Romans.” It words for Hong Kong as well. When in Hong Kong do as the Hong Kongers. Thankfully, I have been able to get past the cool exterior and get to know some of them more personally. This isn’t always easy. Sometimes connections just don’t happen. Thankfully, I have a rather extroverted wife who is gracious enough to help me at times. Whatever your situation, we have to have thick skin to hold on to who we are, while at the same time we have to make ourselves vulnerable to other people approval and disapproval. Lastly I will leave you with an encouraging Interview I did with my friend – If I Can Do it Anyone Can – Tom Johnston
