Several months ago, I heard about a teacher who in a moment of discouragement asked another teacher if they would be willing to give up their after school free time to help weak kids improve their English. This teacher went on to answer her own question. If the students aren’t willing to put the time in themselves, there is no sense in helping them. Strong words, but I think she was right. We can’t give other people something that they are unwilling to work for themselves and get a good result. The same principal, others can’t do it for you, holds true with money. How many times have we heard it said, “Don’t give to beggars?” If you do they will just waste your money on alcohol, drugs etc…” The second part may or may not be true, but the reasoning behind it is that people should first demonstrate that they are willing to work before we give them money.
Perspective
Back to language, I have met a number of people who have told me that they wish they could go back to their high school years and actually apply themselves to learn English. They weren’t willing to work and now they regret it. The same principal applies to foreigners trying to learn Cantonese. I have been living here in Hong Kong for about 13 years now. Occasionally, I run into people who tell me that my Cantonese is really good. They are sincere, but I know that they are only seeing a snap shot of my language ability. They didn’t see me the other day when I struggle to talk about xyz.
Sorry, I Didn’t Understand
Whether it’s a classroom teacher or a would be language helper outside of school, they are often met with unwelcoming responses. Some months ago, I was participating in my wife’s church’s mission activity game. Our small group was assigned to find the answers to clues that were scattered all over the church. The leader of the group activity was explaining how the activity worked. She saw me trying to listen. She stopped and tried to put it into semi broken English. The environment was noisy we were all sort of reaching over chairs. And I’m not proud to say it but I snapped at her. “Don’t pay attention to me,” I told her in Cantonese. The last thing I wanted was to have everyone staring at me while this small group leader struggled to tell me something about the activity in English. It felt like, I was being further ostracized from everyone present at the activity. I wish I could go back and apologize to her, she didn’t deserve my unkind words or attitude. She was just trying to serve.
Make Lemonade with Those Lemons
Still the example helps me relate a little better to students in the classroom who get singled out about by a teacher to answer a question. They don’t want the attention either. Many of them lack the confidence to speak in front of their friends. Unfortunately language learners are often thrown into uncomfortable situations. I have been doing some reflecting on the teachers words. What about me, do I deserve to have people help me with my Cantonese, would people be willing to help me? What does that even look like? Most people are too into their own world to even say, “Hi.” They don’t have any context for knowing what I might need help with. For that matter, too often I don’t even know. Like the students, I have a responsibility to be actively learning and seeking out answers. As much as possible it’s best to not be a needy person. When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.
Zero to Hero Example
There’s a scene in From Zero to Hero, where the mom has to look away from her son as he struggles. She tells him to walk or that they will both die. She realizes that she can’t do everything for him. As her son approaches the end of the conveyer belt she is screaming. At the last moment, she stops the machine and her son gets up and tries to walk. She helps him and it becomes a new beginning for them. Her son had to commit to doing what he could do to solve his own problems. Yes, his mother was there to help him but he had to embrace the challenge. I’m sure there were many people who would have preferred to laugh at her son than help him. Of course, a physical disability is different than lacking a language but there are some similarities.
Persistance
Outside of lesson time, strictly speaking, no one owes a language learner any help. You are on your own to figure out how to use the language and interact with the world around you. This reminds me of my friend Hubert’s words fake it till you make it. Of course, you have to have a certain ability level to get away with this. It has to be believable, but given enough effort and time eventually you will grab hold of the things you don’t know. Unfortunately, students are often unmotivated to struggle in English outside the classroom. They are not trying to “make it” period. Foreigners on the other hand are often more motivated, but they often lack the persistence to keep learning Cantonese. Hong Kongers will usually change the channel to English when they see a foreigner coming and they often have better English than the foreigner has Cantonese. Also there’s the matter of culture, speaking English to a foreigner is a way of showing respect. If I am the only foreigner present, I will often times just speak with them in English (it depends on the situation), but if there are other Hong Kongers present and they are already engaged in Cantonese dialog, I will usually insist on Cantonese. At that point, it isn’t about what they think or don’t think of me. It’s about self respect. I am a Cantonese speaker whether or not they acknowledge me as one.
Turning to Google
I think more and more foreigners are becoming shy to talk to Hong Kongers in English or in Cantonese. Why? They see that the Hong Konger is often not comfortable in English and they know that if they try to speak Cantonese there will likely be awkward moments as well. So why not just avoid the conversation. Language is supposed to be a means of connecting with other people but most foreigners never really get to a place where they feel like they can connect with a local in Cantonese. If all there speaking is going to accomplish is getting some piece of information to perform some function, why not just ask Google for help instead. It’s easier and there is nothing emotional about it. As I society, it seems that we are using language more and more as means of getting work done than we are in actually connecting with each other. The problem with connecting with another person is we risk being vulnerable with them. The problem of not connecting is loneliness. God made us for relationships.
A Gift
Blessed are those who live with people who give them the gift of language. A gift isn’t something you earn. I know the title of this piece is that others can’t give it to you. You have to be willing to work for it, but that’s not completely true. It could be a relative, a parent, a spouse or possibly a friend. When you regularly live with a language it becomes less theoretical and more personalized. You still work hard, but it doesn’t necessarily feel like work. It feels more like life. You are just living your life and the language becomes a part of you. It becomes your own language. You aren’t putting on an act to speak with someone. It’s just an extension of who you are. Like your mother tongue is. Well, maybe one day, it will be. Anyway, it’s a journey. My wife regularly speaks to me in Cantonese, but there is still a lot that I don’t understand and that no one explains to me. It’s up to me as the language learner to stop and say, I didn’t understand that or if that’s not appropriate then to say to I will look it up afterwards.. We have to commit to taking the time to actually look it up and study the material that we don’t understand. No one is going to do that for us. It’s not that people are mean. It’s just that they don’t know. It’s not there problem. It’s our problem and we need to pay attention to it. Once we are aware of it, We can make an informed decision whether or not to ask others for help.
Using Time Wisely
Lastly language takes time. If you are one of the lucky ones who have been given the gift of language, you might not see this as an issue. Why because you are just naturally using your language all the time and it is not work for you. When you play, shop, chat, watch social media it’s more or less natural for you to do in your target language. Celebrate that gift that you have been given. For the rest of us language is more about work. We have to choose to take the time to study when we could be playing, shopping, chatting on social media, watching YouTube etc… in our native language, We all have 24 hours a day. Some of us are blessed with more discretionary time than others, but having time by itself does not guarantee good results.
