It’s not good to be alone. Wikipedia says – “Loneliness is an unpleasant emotional response to perceived isolation.” I like how it says perceived. You can feel lonely in the midst of a crowd. It’s okay to feel lonely. It’s a part of our human experience, just like sadness. However prolonged loneliness is often a warning sign that something is not right in our lives. Ideally we would live our lives connected to others in meaningful relationships. Unfortunately, sometimes our situations make that difficult. We will be alone and sometimes lonely. If that sounds like you, don’t despair. Loneliness is not the end of the world. There are resources you can drawl on. You are who you are in part because of the people that you have spent the most time with. Hopefully your parents, relatives, teachers, neighbors, friends etc… have had a positive influence on you. Their impact on your life extends past the words that they say to the things that they do.
Like it or not, we are like little sponges that soak up the thoughts and emotions of those closest to us. How they lived their lives will affect us. Did they have meaningful involvement in other people’s lives?
Drawing On Your Past To Face Your Present
Hopefully there was a natural flow of give and take in their relationships with others and that rubbed off on you. If there was you probably got some of what they had and you should be grateful. Life is more meaningful when you live it connected to others. Growing up as a slow learner, I felt pretty disconnected from others. I was in the background. Some of that changed when I went to China to teach English. I learned how to be on a stage and how to prepare English lessons, but it took me a long time to learn how to feel connected with others. It seems strange. I taught class sizes of anywhere from 15 to 40 something students at a time, but I felt very alone. The connectedness I gleamed from my parents, teachers, friends etc… at times didn’t seem like enough.
If A Tree Falls
For years I pondered over the question, “If a tree falls in the wilderness but no one was there to hear it, did it make a sound?” I know the correct answer is supposed to be, yes, it still made a sound. It just doesn’t feel right to answer, yes. No one was there to hear or see it. For example, if I put in a lot of effort to teach ESL, but my students are not learning, does this mean my efforts are useless? Is it as though I didn’t teach them at all? If I am to judge myself based on the student’s participation or academic performance, I would probably answer yes. It seems like there is little to no meaning in it. It is as if the tree fell in the forest but no one heard it. Some teachers don’t deal well with this. If you haven’t read about Fran’s – “To hell with you if you waste my time,” approach here’s a link. Thankfully my value doesn’t depend on other’s ability to recognize me or even learn something from me.
Classroom Challenges
Of course, there are other variables to this dilemma. If you have ever studied a foreign language, you understand how embarrassing it can be to make a mistake in front of your peers. A lot of students just aren’t willing to take that risk. They keep their mouths closed and we as teachers have a hard time getting them to open up. How much giving out a person can take without getting something back varies from person to person. Those who are confident and secure can hold out longer than those who are not. But I think everyone who keeps their heart open to the people they are working with has a limit. Some teachers close their hearts to their students. They learn to compartmentalize their lives. They just go through the motions at work. They live for the weekend. I don’t want to be like that. I hope that you agree with me. Work shouldn’t just be for a paycheck. It should also be meaningful.
Seed to Harvest
I have to conclude that all of my life, work pleasure and everything in between is important to God. He is honored by my efforts. Whether or not my efforts yield the fruit of actually being able to see students learn something is secondary. I don’t have to feel lonely because He is with me. At the same time, I don’t believe that God wants me to stay perpetually frustrated with poor results. Just like a farmer has to till the field, plant the seed, water his crop and wait, so do we. For the farmer, the cycle from seed time to harvest takes bout 9 months. How long will it take for us varies from person to person. Unfortunately, sometimes the soil of a student’s heart is not ready to learn. They may never learn English from me and I need to be okay with that. I shouldn’t try to force them to learn it. At some point, it’s disrespectful to force someone to learn what they don’t want to learn. They have a free will and we should not violate their free will. For how long will I remain in this situation? I don’t know. Like the farmer, I can only get good results when the conditions are right. However that doesn’t mean that I should just sit on my hands and wait for perfect weather. Don’t Wait For Perfect Weather is an article on taking steps towards your goal from where you are.
Making Connections
Understanding the bigger picture helps a little bit, but it still doesn’t take away that empty hallow feeling of standing up in front of a class and feeling like you are talking to yourself or that no one is listening. I spend a lot of time by myself at my school. The students are happy to see me and we make small talk, but most of what gets shared is surface level and the teachers are for the most part in their own teaching worlds’. If I interact with them it is about school related things and it is also surface level. Thankfully there are some exceptions to this. But generally, I feel like I don’t fit in. Maybe you can identify. Still other people aren’t responsible for my feeling lonely at times. Just like they aren’t responsible for your feeling lonely at times. Each of us has to take responsibility for our own lives.
It’s Like Vitamin C
I think it is a little bit like vitamin “C”. If you don’t get enough of it you will get sick and eventually experience health problems. That’s just a reality. I have to find ways to make vitamin “C” apart of my diet. Actually, now a days this is not hard to do because it is already manufactured into many of our foods. Years ago a tutor told me that I would need to find meaningful involvement outside of school. She was right and that has helped. For some ideas on Finding the Escape That is Right For You check out this article. I think that another possible solution is working within the system at your school to find meaningful involvement. Thankfully my school gives me freedom to explore different options. I just need to keep taking initiative until I find more things that work for me. What about you are there things that you can do to find meaningful interaction with others in your current situation?
